Staying Alive [cycling rant]
The sides of lorries are FUCKING DEATH ZONES. AVOID THEM.
That is all.
Really, that is all I have to offer with umpty years of riding in umpty styles and places: LORRIES WILL FUCKING KILL YOU DEAD IN THE MOST RIDICULOUSLY HORRIBLE WAY IMAGINABLE SO DON'T BE A FUCKING RETARD BY FEEDING YOURSELF INTO THEIR UNCARING MAW.
Does this need a "You wouldn't jump into a woodchipper? You wouldn't dangle your legs in lava?" public service advert? ARE PEOPLE REALLY SO FUCKING THICK?
Yes, I know they are, or in a hurry, and yes the road shouldn't be a mindless grinding machine lubricated with the blood of Our Tribe but by FUCK on a HOLY FUCKING FUCKDAY the stories I read are all - to my jaded eye - avoidable.
I'd bet a fat pot that these are the same people who wear a fluo vest and a helmet on backwards and then jump red lights having ticked the boxes and thinking they're safe but with THE ROAD SENSE OF A BLOODY BADGER.
STOP DYING LIKE IDIOTS! You're making me look bad.
"But how," I hear them ask, "How do we learn this, that you so-smug on your ivory seatpost claim to be Great Wisdom? Evil Government doesn't train us! Waily waily!"
You can just fuck off, you spineless whining pussies. I learned the way you bloody should: I acted like a dick and got scared by a near miss. The difference is I PAID FUCKING ATTENTION. Get out of your bubble of false safety, get that stupid plastic hat off SO YOU FEEL AS VULNERABLE AS YOU ARE and get a few scares. That'll teach you.
And if scares aren't your type, get the fucking bus or grow a pair. (Ovaries will do fine; it's the weirdly prepubescent indolence of the permanent manchild that irks me here: just take control of your own bastarding safety) There are some adult training courses and they are good, but this isn't rocket science.
Victim blaming? You fucking bet I am. I'm fed up biting my tongue.